These Days

And I would go so far just to be where you are... would take no time bringing my heart to you. 

These days I am a really good mother...

While they are sleeping.

It's the when they're awake part that I need to work on.

I usually wake up around 5:30, giving me a full 30-45 minutes to get my shit together. This week was particularly tough for some reason. The kids have been bickering a lot. All of us have had numerous meltdowns. Three of our four kitchen chairs have been decimated by the two-year old. Not sure how we are going to have family meals anymore without chairs. I think Meazi is a little anxious because school is winding down. She is also sad that her dear friend Masha is leaving to go to Russia for the summer. This 'short four day' week has dragged on and on. I am depleted.

Before they wake up, I have it all figured out. I will not raise my voice. I will not nag her to get into the car so we can make the first school bell. I will listen to him more, and make sure he has a lot of my undivided attention.

I will cut down on the processed food. I will measure their feet again and make sure I have them in the right size shoes. I will schedule a dental appointment for Meazi. I will go through their clothes and take out what is too small. I won't cry so much in front of them. I will set a good example. I will teach them coping skills that they will use throughout their lives.

Doesn't happen. There isn't time. I am navigating meltdowns, and low blood sugar episodes. I am refereeing. I am asking them to put away their toys for the 13th time apparently in a voice so harsh that it causes Meazi to cry and say, "Mom you are scaring me!"

One mistake can go through this life so slow, want to keep myself from making two.

I don't want to keep making so many mistakes. One mistake can go through this life so slow.

But each sunrise, I get another chance.

And the sun will rise and we'll open up our eyes and see love showing what's really true.

I get another chance to remember to wear my homemade Mother's Day pin.

 I get another chance to give my undivided attention to his amazing Buzz Lightyear shoes.

I get another chance to be the mother that I thought I would be.

These Days is a song I am listening to over and over lately. It is on this album. It is a beautiful song. I can't find a video of Alison singing it, but I did find this one. Think I'll give it another listen.