Home is a Sister...

I know I have been neglecting this blog, but I have done a little bit of writing this month.

I have a new column HERE about what home means for Meazi and Melese.

I wrote about the Tesfa Teen runners HERE (page 28).

I found Melese outside the other day. It was windy. He was wearing his turtle costume and a pair of butterfly wings. He was moving his back around trying to see if the wind would lift him so that he could fly. 

This pretty much sums up what we are doing around here, trying hard to give our kids wings so they can fly.

Dear America, It's Your Lucky Day...

Getting Ready.

It is early.

One man's flag is another man's microphone.

Oath.

Citizens.

Always one random stranger in our family photos. Must learn photoshop.

Celebrate.

The number one way we determine whether a restaurant is fancy enough to celebrate HUGE family moments-little jam jars. Check.

What happened when he heard they didn't have hot chocolate.

 Sure she asked to wear red, white, and blue.

Yes, she asked that her hair look like Dr.LaBootie's crown.

Doesn't change the fact that they will always remain...

Ethiopian.

Tomorrow, No Matter What

I must be the very last person in America to read the book Nurture Shock. Reading the chapter on siblings yesterday, I found myself putting the book down and crying for a full ten minutes. Something struck me as I read it.

 Meazi and Melese don't have the kind of  sibling relationship that is described in this book. Yes they bicker sometimes, and sometimes they drive each other crazy. Most of the time though, they work it out. They play games together. They imagine themselves travelers, and with real suitcases as props they board our green couch (a stand-in for a 747), to travel to exotic lands like Milwaukee and Santa Fe. They zoom around out back on their bikes and plasma cars, stopping for pretend gas at their toy gas station. They each grab a baby doll and get busy dressing, feeding, and setting up a computer for their 'kids'. They dress up as princesses and turtles. She reads to him. They choose matching pajamas. They sleep through the night soundly, only when parts of themselves are touching each other; a hand on a wrist, a foot on a foot. They look out for one another. He worships the ground she walks on. He'll shout, "Momma! It's time to go and pick up my Guuuuurllllll!" whenever my carpool alarm goes off. His eyes brighten when he sees her. His shoulders soften when she is finally within arm's reach.

The chapter on siblings in Nurture Shock describes some brothers and sisters who won't stop fighting, and who are not at all kind to one another.

From the book:

Scottish researcher Dr. Samantha Punch found similar results in her interviews of ninety children. She determined that kids don't have an incentive to act nicely to their siblings, compared to friends, because the siblings will be there tomorrow, no matter what.

This above quote is what made me cry. I realized that this isn't a given for Meazi and Melese. At least it hasn't been a given in their past. What makes them think that they won't be separated like they were separated from their other siblings?

I believe that, subconsciously, this has something to do with why they treat each other so beautifully.

This revelation made me weep.

Not What I Expected-Everything I Ever Wanted.

 For the two people who read this blog and are not on Facebook, I wrote a new column for InCulture Parent. It's not all Wordless Wednesday people! Well, mostly. Thanks for reading.

State Department Conference on Ethiopian Adoption

I thought folks might want to know about this:

Ethiopia Adoption Notice
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues

The Special Advisor for Children's Issues
Ambassador Susan S. Jacobs
invites you to attend Ethiopia Adoption: Solutions into Action.
January 24, 2011. 9:00a.m. - 3:00p.m.

To participate via teleconference, please dial:
 tel. 888-363-4749
 Access Code: 6276702

"How do we move forward to ethically and transparently protect children, birth families and adoptive parents in Ethiopia? Join us to discuss this important question with other participants, including government agencies, UNICEF, adoption service providers and NGOs."

And, a waaaaaay less important issue...

Is my new Blogger Header blurry or am I just drunk?

Show and Tell

Meazi what was the best part of your day?

"Show and Tell!"

This is not a picture from yesterday, but it is a picture of what she looked like after school. She was beaming. Her teacher gave me a 'thumbs up' as she said goodbye to Meazi. Meazi walked out carrying the huge 11x14 framed picture from Ethiopia.  She saw a fellow student's father in the parking lot and showed it to him. He told her that he and his daughter would find Ethiopia on a map just as soon as they got home.

Meazi said that all of the kids' eyes "popped out of their heads" when they heard that she had two cows, and then again when they heard that she had taken two airplanes to get to America. She told them many things.

She was so happy. It seemed like a heavy weight had been lifted.

Meazi continues to amaze me.

My beautiful, brave, sparkly-eyed girl.

Telling Stories

There is fiction in the space between
The lines on your page of memories
Write it down but it doesn't mean
You're not just telling stories

There is no fiction when Meazi tells her story. We are struggling a bit with something. When you are a 'potential adoptive parent' you learn how to protect your child's story. You deflect. You say things like,

"That is their story to tell, if and when they are ready."

What then do you do when your four-year old starts talking? Meazi told her story in Pre-K. Meazi also told her story to a woman she had know for three weeks. This woman was the nanny of a fellow student at summer school.

Meazi asked to bring a picture from Ethiopia for Show & Tell today. The picture speaks volumes. Steven thought we should just tell her she couldn't bring it. I spoke to her teacher. I let Meazi bring it today. It is difficult to know what is the best thing to do. We want to protect her, and we want her to feel proud of where she came from.

Steven thinks she is too young to realize what she is doing by showing such a revealing picture. My thought is that it helps her to express that she is a child with two countries. I think she wanted to bring it because another child in her class brought a picture of his uncle in Ethiopia picking up the child's two nephews. This 'share' was something that Meazi could obviously relate to. I asked her teacher to guide the questioning, making sure that Meazi wasn't getting flustered, and that children weren't asking questions that Meazi wasn't comfortable answering.

I hope that I made the right decision. Knowing Meazi, and how amazingly astute she is, it seemed like I had to follow her lead.

What is Going on Over There?

I normally want to throttle this woman for her shoddy journalism and her sensationalism, but she seems to have written something worth reading.

One of the things that used to drive me crazy while waiting for our referral was the armchair parent who would say things like "I would never adopt from Ethiopia now." Easy for them to say, sitting with a darling Ethiopian on their lap. I don't know what is happening in Ethiopia right now. I am relying on my friends who were just there, and who are about to go again to let me know.

We Are The Truth

Some International adoptions are working out just fine.



Share your story.

Two Trips

I don't have any time today, and I am having computer issues, but I just wanted to send out a word of support to those families who are getting new hoops to jump through. I know as a woman firmly perched on the other side it is easy for me to say that it will be worth it, but...

It will be worth it.