Start Sanding

Dear Melese,
Mommy and Daddy are on their way, please don't worry. We love you very much. Meazi is okay, and we will all be together soon. Your teachers will take good care of you until we get there. We love you so very much.

I just had to write an earthquake kit letter for Melese. It is a letter for him to open if there is a big emergency WHILE HE IS AT SCHOOL. Did I mention that he is going to start school on the 6th?

This 'in case of earthquake' letter pretty much sums up how I feel about Melese going to school. I feel like I am leaving him in a room without power, the earth shaking, with strangers who are kind, but not his family.

I know, logically, that school will be wonderful for Melese. He is only going three morning a week. He has dear friends in his class, and he loves visiting there. It is a lovely little school that follows this nice philosophy. He needs to be around other kids. It is a good thing. I know all of this.

I am still having a little trouble with the idea. The problem with all of this attaching we have been doing for the last two years is that I AM REALLY ATTACHED TO HIM!

It will be a challenging transition for both of us. He still seems so young to me.

I just Googled 'How to Remove a Barnacle' and the first result said, 'Start sanding'.

It is only nine hours a week. This might be a good thing too, the nine hours to myself. I might actually have time to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer instead of finding the wet clothes several days later, and just rewashing them because they are a bit moldy smelling. I might even haul my flabby bleg (it's not leg, it's not butt...what is it?) to the YMCA. The possibilities are endless.

Still, in my mind he is cowering in a door frame, his pants wet because no one reminded him to use the potty, tears streaming down his face. He is clinging to a picture of Meazi, and this lame little earthquake letter I've written him.

I know, I know- I am the barnacle. Not him. He needs to remove me. I need to be sanded off.

It is just that it happened so fast. I miss him so much already.
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